Holidays After Divorce: Let’s Start With Halloween

You can serve turkey on a Saturday. You can open Christmas presents the week before or even on December 26. But convincing your entire neighborhood to move trick-or-treating because October 31 doesn’t line up with your parenting schedule?

Good luck with that.

Halloween can be the first reminder that the holiday season looks different after divorce. Before we even get to Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas morning, there are costumes, candy, and conversations about who gets to be there.

And sometimes, underneath a seemingly simple question like “What’s the plan for Halloween?” are some much bigger feelings.

One night, a lot of expectations

Halloween might not be the first holiday people worry about when they divorce. But missing your child in their costume, taking pictures on the front porch, or walking through the neighborhood together can hurt.

My situation is a little different because I have the majority of the time-sharing with my son, so I typically have him on Halloween. I’ve invited his dad to join us. The invitation is there, without pressure.

My son and I also have our own tradition: we carve our pumpkin on Halloween. It’s something we get to do together before the evening begins.

But what happens when Halloween falls on the other parent’s time?

You probably can’t persuade the neighbors to hand out candy another night. A community trunk-or-treat, though, might give you another chance to enjoy the costume and excitement together.

And another chance to show off that $40 costume too.

There may be more possibilities than you initially see. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel disappointed about missing the actual night.

Can you celebrate together?

Some parents can both go trick-or-treating and make it a comfortable, enjoyable experience for their kids.

For others, sharing the evening would add tension to something that should be fun.

I think there needs to be a good level of respect before you share holidays. Holidays bring stress even in the best of circumstances. If your relationship is already strained, adding expectations, emotions, and an overtired child in an itchy costume probably won’t improve it.

Consider how you do around each other at a soccer game or a mutual friend’s birthday party. Can you share space comfortably? Can your child enjoy themselves without keeping an eye on the adults?

You don’t have to decide what every future holiday will look like. Start by being honest about where you are this year.

The date can change. The feelings may still show up.

I’ve moved holidays around to keep traditions that matter to us.

We’ve even had a letter from Santa explaining that he was changing his delivery date. Christmas still happened. We still had our celebration and our matching pajamas.

Thanksgiving is different. When my son isn’t with me, I generally skip doing Thanksgiving myself. That’s a big meal to recreate for just two people, and I don’t feel the need to duplicate every holiday.

For me, the hardest part isn’t always losing a tradition. It’s being alone and feeling different from everyone else.

I know I’m not the only person spending a holiday without a spouse or child. But knowing that and feeling it are two different things—especially when it seems like everyone around you is gathering with their family.

I approach that time much like a solo weekend: some rest and recharging, some productivity, and some time out with friends. There can still be a sad moment in the middle of a perfectly decent day.

Start the conversation before the holiday arrives

You don’t need every answer today. But now is a good time to start thinking.

What does your schedule say? What traditions matter most? Are you considering a shared celebration because you’re comfortable together, or because you feel like you should?

And have you actually communicated the plan—or are you both making assumptions?

A little consideration can help. The costume goes with the kid. Share pictures when appropriate. Discuss plans directly with your co-parent. If you’re comfortable extending an invitation, do—but don’t push for a yes.

Your child shouldn’t have to negotiate the evening or manage anyone’s disappointment.

Keep your kids FIRST, not in the middle.

This is the beginning of the holiday conversation

Halloween is our first stop. Thanksgiving and Christmas deserve their own conversations, and I’ll be sharing more about those as we move through the season.

We’ll talk about changing traditions, celebrating on different days, and handling the feelings that come with holidays after divorce.

For now, take a look at what’s coming up. A little thought ahead of time can give you room to make decisions before the pressure builds.

And if you’re already looking at the calendar and feeling overwhelmed, we can work through it together. Whether you need help thinking through holiday plans, communicating with your co-parent, or preparing for time without your kids, reach out to Coaching with Cari to schedule a free meet-and-greet.

You don’t have to figure out the whole season on your own.